


Backslide

by imstephtacular



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Ficlet, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imstephtacular/pseuds/imstephtacular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry overhears Liam and Zayn fighting. They've had this fight before, but never like this. Could this be the one that pushes them over the edge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Backslide

“Ya? Well fuck you, too!” Harry hears through his paper thin door. It came from across the hall. Liam’s room. Well, Liam and Zayn’s room, really. Ever since they started snogging each other, the cohabitation became obligatory and went unmentioned, accepted. 

Harry listens for a slam to follow. When it doesn’t, he opens his door a crack and surveys the hallway. No movement. No noise. No followup shouts or swears. Lads probably already working it out and making up, Harry thinks to himself, chuckling softly, closing the door again. 

Moments later the shouting starts up again. “If this was the first time, it would be different, but we both know we are far from that.” Harry knows it’s Zayn, in his mellowed, measured tone, only louder. “I thought I could keep doing this, but not if this is how it’s gunna be,” Zayn continues, softer even. 

Harry opens the door again and inches into the hallway, hoping to hear better as their voices soften. 

“Zayn,” Liam strains. “It won’t happen again,” he adds, quieter, still firm.  
“Which is what you said last time and the time before and the time before…” Zayn trails off, tiring of this fight already. “I get that it’s how you cope, Li, but it’s wrecking you. It’s wrecking us.” 

In the long beats of silence that follow, Harry chances his luck and creeps across the hall, propping himself up against the door. 

“That’s not fair,” Liam rebuts, anger building again. “You don’t get to tell me how to deal with things, Z!” Liam starts pacing, Harry can tell, judging by the thumping footfalls. He guesses Zayn is sitting on the bed, wringing his hands and tucking his feet underneath his legs. Harry knows how Liam and Zayn are when they fight— the scene is almost always the same. It’s like he’s watching a film strip in his mind and they’re providing the audio. 

“No, I don’t get to tell you how to deal with things, but I am one half of this relationship, yeh. I get a goddamn say if you’re turning it to shit,” Zayn says, growing frustrated again. 

“Fuck you, Zayn,” Liam fumes, pacing faster and louder. “There is nothing wrong with us,” Liam adds, slightly quieter, a muted shout.  
“Oh, so this isn’t a problem?” Zayn shouts back, pressing his lips into a hard line, rattling a bottle of pills in front of Liam’s face. “This,” he raises his voice, stepping closer to Liam, Harry senses, shaking the bottle in Liam’s face, “is a problem. No…it’s a bunch of little problems bottled as one!” Harry hears a rattling, Zayn throwing the bottle across the room, the cap popping and scattering tiny white pills over the floor. “And you know damn well that this could become a bigger problem than just this and us. Press, media, rehab, the list goes on, Li…”  
“It’s not that bad!” Liam shouts in defense. “I won’t go to rehab, nobody will find out, it was just a slip…”  
“Li…” Zayn softens, “we go through this every time, babe…” Harry knows it’s paining Zayn physically to have this conversation, yet again.  
“This time is different,” Liam says, barely a whisper this time. Harry has to cup his ear to the door to hear. “I promise,”  
Harry knows for certain that those two words are breaking Zayn. “I can’t do any more broken promises, Li,” Zayn whispers back.  
The room goes silent, still. Harry can only hear his own breathing. He can only assume what’s going on behind the door: probably Liam and Zayn are staring intently at each other, neither wanting to make the next move, afraid to test the fragility of their hearts with words meant to shatter.  
Finally the silence breaks and someone moves first. Liam? Zayn? Footsteps on the floor start pacing again. Liam. “What can I do to make it right?”  
Zayn sighs. “We’ve talked about this, Li,” Zayn tries, gentle but stern. “You need to get clean.”  
“I…can’t,” Liam’s voice breaks. “You know it’s…it’s too much.”  
Zayn doesn’t respond immediately. Harry knows he’s thinking about how to fix this. Zayn, the fixer. The nurturer. But maybe this isn’t something Zayn has the ability to mend. Harry knows Zayn is weighing these exact thoughts in his mind in the uneasy quiet. “I get it, Li,” Zayn finally mumbles. “It’s a lot to take. I have my days, too. Days where I want to throw in the towel, pack up my bag and head home to mum and the girls, disappear back into the shadow of my former life. But we can’t. We’re who we are now,” Zayn goes on, still only whispering. “I really do get it,” he adds, more forcefully now. “But I can’t sit idly and watch you ruin yourself…”  
“Then help me,” Liam chokes out. Harry bets now Liam is on his knees in front of Zayn’s bed, giving in, letting Zayn fold his tiny limbs around his crumpled frame.  
“I…want to,” Zayn starts. “But I don’t know how, Li. I just don’t know how.” Harry thinks he can hear Zayn start to cry, but he can’t be sure. They stay that way for quite some time. Harry starts to think they’ve fallen asleep after a long stretch of quiet. Finally, someone stirs. “I don’t want to fight about this anymore, Liam.” Zayn exhales a heavy sigh, one he’s been holding in for quite a while, Harry gathers. “But hear me, now. I can’t watch this happen to you again. I can’t watch you choose something…better than me,” his voice tapers off. Harry can almost hear him drop his hands into his lap with a soft thump.  
“I…is that what you think this is about, Z?” Liam asks, timidly. “That I don’t choose you every fucking day? This isn’t about you. Us. It’s not…God, Z, you have nothing to do with this!” Liam begins shouting again, resuming the argument.  
“I have everything to do with this, Liam! How can you not see that?” Zayn shouts back, husky and strained, jumping up to face Liam. “You’re hurting and I can’t do a thing about it! I’m not enough for you. I’m not enough.” Zayn’s voice finally breaks and he audibly sinks back down onto the bed. “If I was enough for you, if I was enough, you would never have started with the pills. You can come to me when you need me and I can be what you need, Li. I can be everything for you, but you’re not letting me!” Zayn’s building momentum, spitting out words like flames.  
Liam doesn’t respond, doesn’t know how, Harry thinks. He continues pacing, silently, breathing loudly and shakily.  
Zayn rolls on. “When you’re lonely, I’m here. When you’re tired, I’m here. When you’re sad, mad, glad, wired, stressed, I’m fucking there, Liam. I. Am. There! Why can’t you see that?” Zayn hits a pitch with his voice that ends his speech, allowing for Liam’s response. Which doesn’t come.  
“If we’re not going to talk about it, then I’m done,” Zayn, says finally, moving towards the door. Harry can feel his footsteps approaching and scrambles to move when he hears Liam’s voice, soft and low.  
“Wait…” Zayn stops and taps his foot. “Zayn.”  
“Liam,” Zayn says, clipped.  
“Give me one more chance,” Liam begs.  
“Li, I’m out of chances to give,” Zayn sighs. “We’re broken and I can’t be the one to fix this, not this time.”  
“I want to fix it. Me. Us. Everything,” Liam pads toward Zayn. They’re both closer to the door now and Harry tries not to breathe, not to give himself away. “I pro-“  
“Don’t you dare,” Zayn snaps. “Don’t you dare make me another promise. I can’t set myself up for another letdown, Li.”  
“Okay, no more promises,” Liam tries carefully. “I want to be better, Z. I want to let you in. I want to be okay.”  
“And I want to believe you,” Zayn starts. “I’ve been here the whole time, Liam. I am always yours, always by your side, always giving you everything you deserve and more,” Zayn sighs. Harry hears Zayn crack open his pack of cigarettes, pull one out, tap it, and move towards the window. “And you know what else I want? I want to be your vice. I want you to want me. At two in the morning, when you can’t sleep, and you need something to take away the anger and the loneliness and the emptiness, I want you to reach for my hand instead of a handful of pills.” Zayn reaches to light his cigarette, but pauses, sighing, still staring out the window.  
Liam slowly moves towards Zayn and reaches out to touch Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn flinches, just slightly. Without turning to face him, Zayn continues. “Just, please, let me take care of you, Liam. Let me be what you need. And let me love you.” Zayn finally turns to meet Liam’s eyes, rimmed in red, scrunching upwards.  
“Okay,” Liam breathes, joining their hands between them.  
“Okay?” Zayn whispers. “Just…okay?”  
“I…I don’t have all the words to say, like you, Z. And I can’t say it’s going to be easy.”  
“Just say you’re going to try,” Zayn interrupts, inching closer. “Say you’ll let me take care of you.”  
“I’ll let you take care of me,” Liam breathes, before collapsing into Zayn’s collarbone and clinging.  
Suddenly, the door springs open and Harry flops onto the floor. “…hey, lads,” he musters, embarrassed, immediately straightening up and hoping to make up an explanation on the spot. “Just…”  
“We know you were listening, mate,” Zayn replies, smiling gently. “Rude, no doubt, but now at least we don’t have to fill you in.”  
“Exactly!” Harry beams, waltzing through the room and sprawling across the bed. “Glad you two lovebirds have worked it all out! Although, you should have your door looked at. Terrible, terrible resistance and dreadful audio reception.”  
Zayn whacks Harry lightly on the head and takes Liam’s hand, leading him to the bed, finding a spot Harry isn’t occupying. Ignoring Harry’s presence in the room, Zayn leans in close and Liam knows, without any conversation, that things are going to be okay.


End file.
